Recently free.

Well, so much for those regular postings. Should have done them every other week so they would have lasted longer. :P

No project this week, just some thoughts. I've had a lot of life changes recently.
I moved back to the United States. Spent some time in California at Camp Pendleton for outprocessing.
Collected my DD214.
Moved to CT, where my husband is.
Helped him finish moving apartments, before he left for two weeks of training.

Did I mentioned I got my DD214?
For the non-military folks out there, that is one of the most important documents a servicemember will ever recieve from the government. You recieve it at the end of your contract, it is your one and only proof that you are no longer in the military, and under what honor you got out under.
So here I am, taking my first steps back into the civilian world.
I'm technically still active duty, until July 20th. Then I'll be in the inactive ready reserve (IRR). So I do nothing military, but I'm still on call.

Four and half years of being in the Marine Corps....It's crazy to think about. And since I've had nothing but free time recently, I've done a lot of reflection.

There are things I am going to miss about the military. Quite a few actually.
There are more things I won't miss though, hence why I didn't stay in the military.
I've done enough complaining and ranting in the past four years that I won't start that up here.
I suppose I'm really just feeling weird.
My first several weeks at bootcamp I felt like the whole thing was a bad dream. None of it felt real. I honestly expected to wake up at any moment. And here I am, reliving that feeling. It's so different from what I've been living the past handful of years that it feels surreal. I haven't accepted that I've entered a new stage of my life.
Probably because it scares me. I joined the military for a hundred different reasons. One of the big ones was that I felt trapped in my current life and it was an escape. It was a life changing learning process.
I don't know if I regret doing it or not. There are a lot of things I lost and missed out on while I was active duty. But the things I've done, and seen, and learned are great themselves.
One of the biggest things I got out of the Marine Corps was learning about myself. I was forced into situations and my actions and reactions taught me things I never knew...about who I am and how I view/do things.
Everyone has a self image in their head, of how they are, and how they want to be viewed.
I did, but it was conflicting, going back and forth. I didn't really know myself.
And now I know myself a little bit better.
There are a lot of things I could have done better and excelled more at.
But honestly, there were a lot of times when I didn't want to. There were times where I knew I could be strong, but I chose to be weak, and there were times where I did my best to be as strong as possible and I crumbled.
There were times when I knew I was being a failure, but I'd rather play it off as "I don't care" attitude then admit my own struggles with things I wish I had a natural affinity for, because I can't bring myself to change who I am fundamentally.
But I stayed true to myself, and my personal feelings and beliefs. I didn't try to become something I'm not. Even though I would pretend.
And whether anyone will ever truly grasp this, but I did care.
I cared about a lot of things more than anyone who ever worked with me will ever know.
I would think the greatest thing I learned, the greatest gift the Marine Corps could have taught me:

I like me.

It took me quite a while to come to this realization, and I went through a lot of struggles dealing with an image of a person I was trying to become. And I realized why I couldn't, because I actually like who I am. (Or at least a majority of myself)
A lot of people have issues accepting who they are, or trying to be something, or someone else. I can't do that.
Honestly, I'll never know what those who I worked for thought of me, or what those who worked for me thought of me. I set some pretty poor examples of leadership sometimes, but I also had times where I felt like I kicked ass at my job.

A SSgt once said at a NCO Call (Non-commisioned officer's get together and have discussions about things). "Some of the worst moments in your military career turn out to be some of your best memories."
While I don't think this is true, there is some truth to the statement. The hardships I went through, I can look back on the fact I still did it, I can talk about it with an attitude of ease. The people who where there, or weren't there but did the same thing share that understanding with me.
It's hard to explain in writing I just realized. But after the shit is done and over with, it's another memory, another experience. For Marines the crap you go through brings you together and tightens your bonds to each other (I think its why they drag us through it sometimes).

My time as active duty is over, now I have to focus on the anxieties of "real" life.
College, finding a job, affording things, having a place to live.
But in the same sense, I know after my time in the Corps, I can probably tackle any challenge.

Dedicated.

Over the past few months I have started changing. Or trying to, physically. I started a gym regiment that for once in my short Marine Corps career I've somewhat managed to stick to. And I'm getting stronger, I can't see the results on myself, but improper dieting will hide a lot from you. And since I don't have a kitchen and most days of the week the chow hall isn't an option for me...I don't have many options.
But I made the decision I want to actually become fit. I want to look fit, feel fit, and be fit. I want my level of struggling to be beyond anything it's been before. I want to be able to hop on the pullup bar and bust out twenty like it's cool.
And I'm going to dedicate myself to that.
This is something I should have done years ago, but I didn't have the mindset for it. I was too unfocused on what needed to be done. I couldn't see the future, and my current path was clouded. Well luckily for me there was a break in the fog and I'm able to get myself on track.
So I'm going to do my best to keep up with this fitness thing, and try not to just stuff myself all the time on my days off. I still love to eat Japanese food and there's no way I'll cut that out, but when I eat meals, I'll try to make them healthier. I've already started incorporating spinach into a lot of what I eat, AND into my shakes I drink after the gym. Small steps, but it feels like a big leap. If only eating healthy wasn't SO EXPENSIVE!
but I digress.
To start out with my current challenge I'm embarking is the 30 day squat challenge. I'm on day three, and my legs and I aren't speaking currently. No joke.
Day 1, which was Sunday, I did 50 squats.
Day 2, 55 squats
Day 3, 60 squats.
Went to the gym to do legs today, couldn't do it. Anything involving the use of my thighs is not do-able currently. Thank the Gods tomorrow is a rest day for the squats. I need it.
Yes, I am still attending the gym on a regular basis. On days I work, since I can't leave the shop during the entire 24 hours I'm going to develop a Shift Workout Plan. That way I can still get some physical activity in during that time. The other days I will go to the gym and follow my workout plan, occasionally throwing in an extra exercise or two just to mix it up.
If anyone wants to know the plan I'm doing just comment and say so, I'll post it, if I don't discuss it in later posts.
This is my everything blog, I want to post so much on here, but I'm too busy doing stuff to do so. Which is a good thing. But it makes the blog dull.
Oh well.
Pull ups are more important.
And oddly enough the fact I'm going to the gym now is motivating, and it makes my peers and my superiors look at me in a different light. I'm not longer a lazy disgruntled complainer. I'm a motivated leader who is trying to improve themselves so I can inspire my juniors to the same. I may never be a good runner, but I won't give up trying.
And neither should anyone else. If you want it, go for it. Find that reason within that makes you want to succeed. We'll all experience failure at one point or another, but what separates us is that we'll pick ourselves up and keep trying.
Because that's what living is about. 

part time thinker.

Went for a the day before yesterday. Planned on making it a short run, I ended up doing sprints off and on for two miles. It was nice. Gave me much time to think, to physically burned off some stress. It was almost perfect weather outside for the kind of feel I was going for. It was a short break in a storm. The rain had stopped, it was evening, still cloudy out. You could feel the energy in the air. The storm wasn't over yet, but I wanted to go outside anyways. I haven't ran in over a month. Before the PFT I was scared of running because I knew I wouldn't be able to achieve what I wanted to. I loathe running for any other reason than for me. Being diagnosed with asthma was a halfhearted relief. I wonder if my pain really is asthma or if I just settled for that. Settled for any explanation that gives me something I can beat. When I was running yesterday I would sprint until I felt like my lungs would burst, until my body just stopped, but then I would just walk off the pain and then run again. I thought about how I'd like to just run away from everything. To be able to just let go of everything, and feel myself be lifted off the earth, the wings I always have in my dreams spread out and I can just take flight. When I was running it wasn't for physical training, it was to sweat out all the tears I can't cry.
During my slower jogging I would look up at the clouds rolling by and remember my childhood obsession with the elements, with nature. I'd always take those online quizzes of, 'Which Element Are You?'. In reality I knew which element I wanted to be. I always knew which one I wanted to be. Air, I wanted to be uncontainable, free, everywhere there is life, a day dreamer. Water was known for being able to slowly wear away its own path, adaptable,and healing. Earth is always well grounded, solid, nurturing, and full of strength and endurance. Fire was a burning passion, strong will, energy, creates and destroys. In paganism the elements are important, when drawing a sacred circle for workings you invoke the elements, you work with the elements, and it can feel as if they truly work with you. While running I felt slightly more in tune with them again, an energy about that I haven't felt in a long time.
Growing up I always tried to conform myself into what I wanted me to be, but in truth I didn't know anything about myself. To this day I don't. I know what I want, and what I need, but I don't know who I want to be. I don't know how I want to be. In a way I do, but the person I would like to think of myself as, is a person I don't think I'm capable of becoming. I feel as though I've tried this path before, and again and again it has burnt me. Being a good person and believing in those around me with out reason has only shown me how I can't trust the people around me, because as human beings we all carry corruptness within us, due to the society we will, the expectations the world burdens us with. We are forced to play the mind games of others. Especially in the military. You can never just believe that the marines around you are looking out for you. That only occurs if it interests them. If it is convenient for them.
Maybe it is just my personality type. Being an ISFJ apparently describes me to a tee. I never really knew it though. Most things I've come to realize about myself over the years had to be pointed out to me multiple times on different occasions. I don't think I trust people, but I do more than I'd like to admit.
 "They are truly warm and kind-hearted, and want to believe the best of people. They value harmony and cooperation, and are likely to be very sensitive to other people's feelings. People value the ISFJ for their consideration and awareness, and their ability to bring out the best in others by their firm desire to believe the best."
I do that everyday, with every person. After talking to an individual I can see how they've come to the path they're on. How one can feel trapped in the choices they've made, how nothing is in their control, but yet everything is. 
I tend to think to myself better than I express it to the world around me. I always feel as if I'm taking in information, even stuff I don't understand yet. But if it left an impression on me I will remember it years from when it occurred. 
Like my startling realization while running that I may be more of a Leo than I realized. How I could represent a certain aspect of fire. How was long as I have something to burn on I will rage forth in my own way to cleanse what I feel is wrong. How I will remember all that has happened and I will let it fuel me in the future. 
I won't let myself be forced to become a person I am not, even if it means I will be a Tier III marine. What I do, I do for myself, what I do for myself, I do for the people I love. 
I am proud to be in the Marine Corps, but it is not a proudness I feel while I am there, it is when I look back and I see how I have impacted others, even in the slightest way and it helped them go on, to achieve what they wanted to do. Even if they don't realize it, if I don't even notice. I know that in small ways I make a difference. 
Maybe one day I will be part of something largely impactful. I don't feel as if I ever will. But I will be proud that I made the decision to serve the country I was born in, that I went through the training, I dealt with the pain, and the people. And that I came out no worse of a human being for it. I was part of a mission, and maybe even though if I hadn't been there someone else would be...but it wasn't like that. I've never saved lives, I've never fought in battles, but perhaps because I was there, someone else wasn't. And through that chain of events maybe something good did come from it. 
No one will ever know the extent of the butterfly effect or how deeply it is involved in everything we do. 
But after my running meditational thoughts on the elements and following my thoughts back up the line I decided and single element isn't something that can represent me. The combination of them, put together into the storms that ravage the earth, or save it. Calm, or violent, but beautiful in every way. The energy in the air we all feel in different ways. The energy some ignore because they've lost touch with all that made them come to being. I will never become those people. I will never run through the calm during a storm and not notice the perfect interaction between nature that has caused something magnificent to come into being. Even though I know the science behind it all, I will never let the world lose its magic to me. 
Ever.

laughing. (Updated since original posting)

So I'm updating simply because I've been forgetting to, but mainly because I've felt hesitant about topics to post about, but since the people I work with spent FOREVER trying to find it online I'm confident that it is indeed unsearchable. So that makes me happy. I've officially deleted myself from the internet. Yay!
So I shall now laugh at them as they admit their defeat and go back to their mindless shift activities. I should be doing homework, or reading chapters, but don't really feel up to it, ever. -_- Cannot wait till I'm not longer a college student. I mean, I'll miss it I'm sure, but working full time and being a student sucks. I hate homework.
Speaking on the douchebags on shift (they call themselves that, so I don't feel bad continueing the reference), these dudes have the biggest issue admitting their own narcissism. I'm not the best at spontaneously speaking my mind unless I've had a change to fully formulate my thoughts. So often times things come out...odd? I don't know, but I make sense to myself and thats good enough for me, but explaining to others is a pain. But THESE GUYS...they think everything has some sort of reference to them. Or another marine. I know its them giving shit, but as much as a joke turns into a no-shit-rumor I don't appreciate nearly as much as I do their other jabs. Saying I'm secretly trying to get with anyone burns me up, and they think its funny because I sit there and laugh and shake my head, and I'll tell them they're fucking wrong. But really, it's not always about you or some other marine you know. You'd think these people would know me enough by now to know that over my dead body will I even consider another human being worth even touching. Honestly, the thought makes me want to puke. Something about the person...I guess you could say an aura of sorts, is really unsettling and just churns my stomach. Maybe it's because I'm so anti-whore/slut/cheater/whatever, but still. I don't even appreciate hugs, and while high-fives are cool even those feel awkward at times. Maybe its because I'm not used to human contact like that, but still. It takes quite a bit for me to muster up a hug even for people I've known for a while.
And call me Cassie one more time fuckers...I'll knife you.
(DISCLAIMER: I won't really knife you, it's just fun to say)
But these guys poke fun at everyone for everything, even if it isn't true at all. Shits just fun to say. So I won't be all freaked out and weird when they say something that is blatently obvious its false and a joke just because I vomit nonsense on occasion. But sometimes I honestly don't know how to react back, and laughter is always worked for me, so it shall continue.
Say what you want, you won't make me cry.
(oh man, I think I just issued a challenge...0.o;; )

....continuing on....

I've been trying to find any sort of motivation still to do anything Marine Corps related. I think slowly my will to learn and work is coming back. But not very much. I've managed to see the bright side to my boyfriend getting put in CT and I don't think I have to worry about going to Japan again. So that's that.

But I would like to discuss other de-motivators that exist out there. I feel like I can't really hate them, because I'm not interested in anything USMC very much either anymore, never was actually, straight out of boot camp I had the "bleh" mindset. BUT-no matter how much I understand their feelings I still feel and intense dislike for a majority of them, because as much as I don't care I feel like I'm still considerate of my surroundings. I understand the Marine Corps, and my office especially now, stresses teamwork and the failure of one is the failure of all. So I put in the effort to at least keep life comfortable, mostly for me, but it helps everyone else too.
So when I see people who joined, who had some idea that the Corps was supposed to be hard and then they are the biggest dirtbags who have been fat since they joined and all they do is fuck up, and don't give a shit about the simplest rules to follow it irks me. It's not that hard to do your job properly. There is an order or and LOI for everything, so you don't really need to worry about knowing what you should or shouldn't do. Some rules are stupid, some we ALL ignore, but to blatently just fuck up and when told "hey don't do that" think you can rely on the fact people in the office like you and think you're a chill person is going to keep you from getting in trouble. Fuck that asshole. You shouldn't be getting paid the same as me, reaping the same benefits if you're not going to try at all. Just because you signed a contract and you can't be fired doesn't mean you don't have your share of shit coming. Someone will be fed up with you one day. And you'll go down. And when you're out of the Corps and you realize the rest of the world won't put up with your shit as much because they don't have to you'll realize your mistake. And it'll be too late. So have a nice shitty life, because that's were you are going. No where.

Whew~ Done with that.
Moving on...next topic....
I said I wanted to cover trust, but I almost don't feel like it. We all know how trust works and how it doesn't work. You learn it as a child and grow up using it and abusing it. My problem is I have a bad habit of slipping into the habit of being too trusting. Even when I know better, it's nicer, easier, makes me feel good inside. But it is almost always a mistake when it comes to Marines. But apparently I live with one of the biggest two-facers I've every known. I hate to say it, I like to try and forget it, almost forgive it. But then she opens her mouth, and vomits out her lies and deceit. THEN I remember. What is sad is I've confronted her about lies before, she'll keep lying. And when she admits her lie, she'll just tell more after.
BUT
she would prefer if I have a problem with her I tell her about it....last time I did that I "ruined her day" she "ended up breaking down at work" she is sorry that "she isn't the most perfect roomate in the world, but for me...she'll try harder"
Fuck that.
As much as I have to remind you like a child to clean up after yourself, to turn off lights you don't use. Apparently you don't care what I think, so why would I continue to repeat myself. If letting it slip to you through a grapevine makes it sink in, then that's what will happen.

Don't let it sound like she is the only example I have though, the list is endless. Pretty much covers almost everyone I know at the moment, excluding aquaintences and friends from Missouri. But in the Marine Corps I think secretly they brainwash integrity out of you, but let you and the rest of the world think that the Corps has the highest integity. That is shit that just looks good on paper.
I know another person who can't even admit the truth to themselves. People like this do exist around me, it's almost pathetic. Like the stupid shit people do and say and then try to cover up. They're so desperate for awkward sorts of attention is really all I can imagine it is. But I've definitely asked before, because I hear the rumors and I would rather ask the source than speculate and gossip on. But apparently the gossip is way WAY more accurate than the source itself.
Lesson learned, pretend to trust and believe and care, but always keep in mine, they're a liar, any credibility they have is gone. So it's like a very loooonnngg fictional story you're partly living out.
But I feel bad for them, and I'm nice to them, and I'll be there for them, because if I ever end up that miserable hopefully karma helps and someone will try, multiple times, to tell me I'm being a moron and I need to grow up and stop lying. >.<
However, if I had the opprotunity I wouldn't associate with people who lie to me 24/7. But since that mostly who is around here I'll deal.
If you can't be with the people you love, love the people you're with? Or some shit like that.
I just pretend my life is some weird anime, full of interesting characters, some with deep backstories and other who exist just to linger in the background and make me look good. :)

yea~~

de-motivated.

It's true. I have no motivation for anything USMC related at all. Once upon a time I did. I remember it in shame almost.But it boils down to not that I don't like doing anything, but I don't like the way its done, or I don't like doing it with other people -ahem- Marines.
I'm actually feeling so down in the dumps today I deleted the halfway finished post I started. It wasn't conveying what I wanted to say properly. I'm not the greatest with words. I always need to really formulate my thoughts in order to understand where they're going.
Basically 2012 is starting out as a shitty year. If it continues in this trend I'm doomed. Hopefully it won't though.
I started this post to talk about the Marine Corps. Now I've realized I'd rather not at this moment. Maybe tomorrow when I'm better rested I'll organize my thoughts more precisely.
But in other news my boyfriend of over 2 1/2 years is moving. He received his orders finally. Which I was looking forward to up to now. I figured out of all the choices he put down that hopefully we'd be able to close the distance between us a bit.
Not at all. That was all just dreams a butterflies.
Instead he gets to move to a college town up North. A very prestigious college. Not that he's the type of guy to go out and party it up with strange girls. (Even though according to some people I work with I've already lost him to some hot chic who is smarter than me and we just don't know it yet) I don't like the idea that there will be more females around who might catch his eye.
I've noticed from all the males I work with, apparently no matter how devoted you are, you still check out other women intensely. That thought bothers me, because apparently I'm out of the norm of human beings in that I don't look at other people in that way. I don't feel an attraction to other human beings. I can't look at a guy or girl and be like, "yeah he/she is hot". I've never been able to. Ever. When someone points out some one and makes a comment I look and shrug and continue on.
So maybe I am weird? There's something wrong with my chemical makeup? I don't know.
People just make me sick, overall. Maybe because I've dealt with enough of the type of person I despise. But yet somehow I'm too trusting.
Speaking of being too trusting...that will probably be the topic of my next post. I feel like I have a lot to talk about this week. So I might update more often. I just don't want to make these too long.
I'm going to go play Dead Island now. Which is an amazing game. I'm not THAT great at it, but I enjoy nothing more than spending time with my boyfriend online. Since we don't live in the same state this is the best we have right now. We make the most of it. :)

suicidal PT planner.

So, skipped posting last week. My bad. Nothing really occurred to me to get on here and post about. However I have a topic now, and that's really what's important. Right? 0.o;;
So...as the title shows....suicidal PT planner... Looking at the schedule I'm making for myself to try and be epic by the time the PFT runs around I should probably consider talking to a Chaplain. Because I might die from this. Not because it's anything crazy, but just because its ME doing this plan.
If I manage to stick to it. Like I said, I could die, or ya know...just not do it. I'm good at making plans and then deciding I'm not feeling it. I do it all the time. But here is my current plan for the next few months:

Week	Mon.	Tue.	Wed.	Thu.	Fri.	Sat.	Sun.
1	Off	3M	3M	3M	Off	2M	4M
2	Off	3M	Gym	2M	Off	2M	5M
3	Off	3M	Gym	3M	Off	3M	4M
4	Off	3M	Gym	4M	Off	3M	6M
5	Off	4M	Gym	3M	Off	3M	5M
6	Off	4M	Gym	3M	Off	4M	6M
7	Off	4M	Gym	3M	Off	4M	5M
8	Off	4M	Gym	3M	Off	4M	6M
9	Off	4M	Gym	4M	Off	4M	5M
10	Off	4M	Gym	3M	Off	4M	6M
11	Off	4M	Gym	3M	Off	3M	5M
12	Off	Gym	3M	Off	Off	2M	DONE!

And So that's that...Now granted I've decided that if I'm horribly sore in the legs from playing sports or an epic run previously done I'll switch a run day to a gym day. I'm not a big fan of PTing more than once per a day. I feel it's pointless. But I do want to still work on being able to do pull-ups one day, but since it's not required of my now I need to focus on increasing my speed while running.

I started this schedule this week. Which is why I think I might die from it. I ran 3 miles this morning. Or close to it anyways. I actually had to stop twice during the run because of the intense PAIN I was feeling in my abdomen. Now when I run, I have, ever since joining the Marine Corps, experienced this horrible horrible pain while running. It's not side stitches. I know what those are and how to deal with them. This is a different pain. It's closer to my diaphram, sometimes, like today, it's more to the right, above my floating ribs. It feels like something inside of me is trying to explode outwards.
I have no idea what it is, and everyone I've ever mentions it to just says, "it's your breathing." or "you just don't run enough."
Which is WRONG! Trust me, two years into this I've done a billion different breathing ways and my fair share of running.
But the pain is crippling. If I take deep breaths, like I'm trying to make myself hyperventilate, it lessens. Or if I can distract myself slightly from it, that helps. But once I reach 1 1/2-2 miles thats when it starts and proceeds to get worse till I stop running.
And dear god...If I haven't drank a gallon of water in the past 24 hours... Something I discovered too. I have to practically over dose on water in order to be able to run at all.
My body is really strange.
And I didn't drink hardly any water yesterday, so that didn't help this morning either.
I always try to PT first thing in the morning, I know I should try to do it later, like late evening, because I'm so tired afterwards I'm useless for several hours.
Most people are like, "Wow! I worked out this morning, super early before work, it was so energizing and it really helped me make it through the day!!"
I don't know what workout you do, but mine exhaust me.
and on an ending side note: I still want to play tennis, badminton, or hell even racket ball. I want to take a racket and hit things with it. For realz.

sore muscles.

Played soccer today. Something that I haven't done in forever. I can't remember the last time I played to be exact. It was a bit windy, so at first everyone tried to be pussies about it, but SSgt was not about to let that go down. Though volleyball would have been fun too. I am glad I went outside and played soccer, I can't remember the last time I had that much fun playing a sport...with the office even. :P I didn't get the ball a lot, but I did enough to throw people off their game to get them to make sloppy kicks. So I was proud. And I discovered sprinting back and forth isn't so bad when you don't think of it as sprinting. I definitely ran myself into the ground for no real reason at all other than to make sure I got a good workout during this. And I did, I'm sore all over. Even my back is sore and that confuses me. My arms are okay, you don't use those during soccer. (haha) So playing a fun sport I enjoy is something I'd like to do more often. I think if I did play soccer more I'd be better at running, because I do take bigger steps and move pretty quickly up and down the field. But when I'm running just to run I tire out way more quickly and take tiny baby steps. It's gay. Taking big steps is just tiring, I feel like I'm in a constant sprint, which I don't sprint far or for long. It's a losing battle every time.
Though I've decided I want to play badminton. I don't know why, but that's always a fun game. I'd like to try tennis, but that's only because I've been watching this anime (Prince of Tennis) and it makes tennis look like the most epic thing ever. So I need to try it so I can break through this delusion I have in my head about it. I know, I'm pathetic. But it's awesome. :P
I didn't really have a true topic for this post, I just want to keep to the once a week update thing. I took the time to make this, might as well post on it.
Though a thought I did have about soccer...people who showed up, who knows why, maybe they felt obligated because their peers would be there (and by peers I mean the people they live with), but hardly played at all. And then left! I was actually disappointed, but I guess like basketball isn't my thing, maybe soccer isn't theirs. It was a good game in that everyone was able to get involved at some point or another, and definitely more than once. But those who don't bother to play and give up are the ones who don't even try to get involved, who make it a waste of time. If I'm there I want to get something out of it, even if it is stupid basketball and all I do is sprints back and forth on the court.
I did discover there is a raquet ball court here though, so that might be worth investing some time into. I've played it a few times. I sucked horribly, but it was fun. Worth playing some more to better myself at it.
On a side note: Being here still sucks. I miss being on leave. I dread every minute I'm at work because I'm waiting for the Marine Corps to do something to add to the unhappiness of my life. Like give me unnecessary orders, or send me to stupid courses. I don't like the build up to every work day is dreading what I might be walking into. It's dumb. Life shouldn't be like that. Unfortunetly that's how people make it. *sighs* At least I work a weekend shift this time. I'll probably try and do some weather studying. I feel like I'm forgetting a lot of the finer facts I used to know and just do everything the easy way as of recently. Probably has something to do with my resolution of "Don't care" attitude. But I still want to be good at my job and be that one step above the majority. I don't know why. I just don't like to be looked down on at work. No matter the job. I'm here and I'm going to do it.
The end.

apparently not prideful.

So had an interesting debate today. Starting over something as simple as 'Uniform Inspections'.
In February we're having one, which isn't too horrible in itself. I graduated the stupidity of boot camp a long time ago, and as formal as these can get they're still really easy to pass. So no big deal, just a pain to come in on a day off work, in my bravos or charlies, form up and do what ever stupid shit they have us do. The question part is dumb I think, but that's because they ask things like random Marine Corps history, or other stuff they think you should know. Which since I never use it I don't know it. If 29% of people don't know who the Vice President of the United States is, I think I can live with not knowing exactly what went on in Battle of Belleau Wood.
However, upon stating that I understand the point of them, but I'd rather not do them anyways, this other individual stated that uniform inspections increase troop morale. At which, I gave the craziest confused look I could manage and asked, "how?!" because that makes no sense to me. I have never seen moral raise due to the fact they were requiring us to do something like this. Ever.
Apparently it's after having the inspection, a successful inspection raises morale.
Of no one in my opinion.
Passing a uniform inspection is part of your job last time I checked.
Looking good in uniform, wearing it approprately, taking care of it, it all falls under 'being a Marine'.
Once again, my opinion.
Something I've discovered a lot recently, is that almost everything is according to someone's opinion. Often enough they just play it off as to this is just how it is. But I suppose technically that's how it is everywhere in the world. It just doesn't effect you're life as much. At least it didn't mine before.
Anyways, getting back on track.
The agrument ended up pretty much with the other person implying that because I don't find uniform instections 'morale improving' that I lack pride in my uniform, because people who take pride in their uniforms take pride inspections, a chance to wear them and be happy that they did it properly...
....
...
..
I don't know if this is one of those instances where my patterns of thinking differ that much from other people, but the general consensus of inspections is most should pass.
So yay~ good job, you did what you were suppose to. Here's your NAM.

Beginner blogger, once again.

This isn't my first blog. I've had a couple, way back when. Middle school through early high school specifically. I've had the idea of creating a new one floating around in my head for a while now. Today seemed like a good day to start. Now I just have to remember to actually update the thing, and not just whine and complain in it. Though that will happen anyways, just indirectly.
I've been in the Marine Corps for over two years now, and I have to say I'm not impressed. I don't think I can get in trouble for talking bad about this branch of the military, but I'm tired of keeping it to myself and not being able to fully express how I feel. I want to use this as a learning experience to be a better leader in the future, my goal is to still become a librarian, and that requires me to be in charge. I think this experience will teach me that and a whole lot more.
I'll talk about other things too, movies, games, books. Things of that sort. It'll be interesting. Maybe, to me at least. I'll feel better about myself.
I'd like to think of this as an experiment, or documentation of my struggle for the next three years.
Some one just remind me to update often. Thanks.
:P