Inconsistant blogger for life!

Well, looks like I will never be one of those people who blog on a regular basis and show up every other Pinterest post.
I am okay with this. I made this blog for me, and it has suited me quite well in my self-discovery journey through life, and my never ending quest to try and understand other people.
Tis Friday the 13th *makes ghostly whoo noises* I didn't even notice till my elder brother sent a happy 13th message. Tomorrow is Valentine's day, my first time actually spending it with the Hubs.
We're going to marathon video games on our laptops for the weekend. As soon as he gets home from work we are heading to the grocery store and buying tons of snacks, and pizzas, and we're going to be teenagers with no jobs for a weekend. Monday is a Federal Holiday, so that is going to be our recovery day. I'm looking forward to this weekend, my adult symptoms will be that I will get extremely tired and want to go to sleep after 10pm, so I'll have to drink lots of green tea to stay up. But I can do it! :D
Not how most spend their V-day, but we are nothing like other couples I've learned over the years.
Though I did make homemade chocolates for him. They are amazing. I'll post pictures after I give them to him. Even will include the recipe. Promise.

I'm on my second semester of school now, since leaving the military. The first semester was busy busy busy. I took a class on Terrorism, Sociology in the Workplace, and Women and Social Action. It was a super educational semester. I learned so much about so many different things, I think I changed slightly as a person due to it.
This semester I am taking Cultural Diversity in the United States, Juvenile Delinquency, and History of the Civil Rights Movement in the U.S. It will be another educational semester. And after this I only have two classes left to take and I will be an undergraduate. Super exciting to think about.
Then I have to talk myself into continuing my original plan to pursue a Master's. (I day dreamed about a doctorate the other day, just so I can be called "Doctor") I'm lame like that. There is no reason for me to become a doctor.

Also on my list of things to do this year: I am doing the 2015-in-2015 Challenge. The goal is to run/walk 2015 miles in 2015. Cheesy, yes?
I am doing it, but I am not crazy, so I am not doing it alone. I conned talked two of my friends into doing it with me. So our team, altogether, will walk/run 2015 miles this year.
Epic.
I started late in January, and I strained my calf muscles so I had a week off. I only did 30.5 miles. We're two weeks into January and I am at 28.5 already. I would have more but this darn weather! Twice a week a blizzard passes by. It's getting ridiculous. I was gonna do another 4 miles today, but its 14 degrees Fahrenheit outside, with a windchill of -2. So no. I'm not running in that. You can get frostbite in 30 minutes technically in that kind of weather. No thanks.

Well, I think that is all I have for now. Just a quick update, to remind myself this blog is still here (And shows up in google now). Nothing interesting. Maybe next time.

part time thinker.

Went for a the day before yesterday. Planned on making it a short run, I ended up doing sprints off and on for two miles. It was nice. Gave me much time to think, to physically burned off some stress. It was almost perfect weather outside for the kind of feel I was going for. It was a short break in a storm. The rain had stopped, it was evening, still cloudy out. You could feel the energy in the air. The storm wasn't over yet, but I wanted to go outside anyways. I haven't ran in over a month. Before the PFT I was scared of running because I knew I wouldn't be able to achieve what I wanted to. I loathe running for any other reason than for me. Being diagnosed with asthma was a halfhearted relief. I wonder if my pain really is asthma or if I just settled for that. Settled for any explanation that gives me something I can beat. When I was running yesterday I would sprint until I felt like my lungs would burst, until my body just stopped, but then I would just walk off the pain and then run again. I thought about how I'd like to just run away from everything. To be able to just let go of everything, and feel myself be lifted off the earth, the wings I always have in my dreams spread out and I can just take flight. When I was running it wasn't for physical training, it was to sweat out all the tears I can't cry.
During my slower jogging I would look up at the clouds rolling by and remember my childhood obsession with the elements, with nature. I'd always take those online quizzes of, 'Which Element Are You?'. In reality I knew which element I wanted to be. I always knew which one I wanted to be. Air, I wanted to be uncontainable, free, everywhere there is life, a day dreamer. Water was known for being able to slowly wear away its own path, adaptable,and healing. Earth is always well grounded, solid, nurturing, and full of strength and endurance. Fire was a burning passion, strong will, energy, creates and destroys. In paganism the elements are important, when drawing a sacred circle for workings you invoke the elements, you work with the elements, and it can feel as if they truly work with you. While running I felt slightly more in tune with them again, an energy about that I haven't felt in a long time.
Growing up I always tried to conform myself into what I wanted me to be, but in truth I didn't know anything about myself. To this day I don't. I know what I want, and what I need, but I don't know who I want to be. I don't know how I want to be. In a way I do, but the person I would like to think of myself as, is a person I don't think I'm capable of becoming. I feel as though I've tried this path before, and again and again it has burnt me. Being a good person and believing in those around me with out reason has only shown me how I can't trust the people around me, because as human beings we all carry corruptness within us, due to the society we will, the expectations the world burdens us with. We are forced to play the mind games of others. Especially in the military. You can never just believe that the marines around you are looking out for you. That only occurs if it interests them. If it is convenient for them.
Maybe it is just my personality type. Being an ISFJ apparently describes me to a tee. I never really knew it though. Most things I've come to realize about myself over the years had to be pointed out to me multiple times on different occasions. I don't think I trust people, but I do more than I'd like to admit.
 "They are truly warm and kind-hearted, and want to believe the best of people. They value harmony and cooperation, and are likely to be very sensitive to other people's feelings. People value the ISFJ for their consideration and awareness, and their ability to bring out the best in others by their firm desire to believe the best."
I do that everyday, with every person. After talking to an individual I can see how they've come to the path they're on. How one can feel trapped in the choices they've made, how nothing is in their control, but yet everything is. 
I tend to think to myself better than I express it to the world around me. I always feel as if I'm taking in information, even stuff I don't understand yet. But if it left an impression on me I will remember it years from when it occurred. 
Like my startling realization while running that I may be more of a Leo than I realized. How I could represent a certain aspect of fire. How was long as I have something to burn on I will rage forth in my own way to cleanse what I feel is wrong. How I will remember all that has happened and I will let it fuel me in the future. 
I won't let myself be forced to become a person I am not, even if it means I will be a Tier III marine. What I do, I do for myself, what I do for myself, I do for the people I love. 
I am proud to be in the Marine Corps, but it is not a proudness I feel while I am there, it is when I look back and I see how I have impacted others, even in the slightest way and it helped them go on, to achieve what they wanted to do. Even if they don't realize it, if I don't even notice. I know that in small ways I make a difference. 
Maybe one day I will be part of something largely impactful. I don't feel as if I ever will. But I will be proud that I made the decision to serve the country I was born in, that I went through the training, I dealt with the pain, and the people. And that I came out no worse of a human being for it. I was part of a mission, and maybe even though if I hadn't been there someone else would be...but it wasn't like that. I've never saved lives, I've never fought in battles, but perhaps because I was there, someone else wasn't. And through that chain of events maybe something good did come from it. 
No one will ever know the extent of the butterfly effect or how deeply it is involved in everything we do. 
But after my running meditational thoughts on the elements and following my thoughts back up the line I decided and single element isn't something that can represent me. The combination of them, put together into the storms that ravage the earth, or save it. Calm, or violent, but beautiful in every way. The energy in the air we all feel in different ways. The energy some ignore because they've lost touch with all that made them come to being. I will never become those people. I will never run through the calm during a storm and not notice the perfect interaction between nature that has caused something magnificent to come into being. Even though I know the science behind it all, I will never let the world lose its magic to me. 
Ever.

suicidal PT planner.

So, skipped posting last week. My bad. Nothing really occurred to me to get on here and post about. However I have a topic now, and that's really what's important. Right? 0.o;;
So...as the title shows....suicidal PT planner... Looking at the schedule I'm making for myself to try and be epic by the time the PFT runs around I should probably consider talking to a Chaplain. Because I might die from this. Not because it's anything crazy, but just because its ME doing this plan.
If I manage to stick to it. Like I said, I could die, or ya know...just not do it. I'm good at making plans and then deciding I'm not feeling it. I do it all the time. But here is my current plan for the next few months:

Week	Mon.	Tue.	Wed.	Thu.	Fri.	Sat.	Sun.
1	Off	3M	3M	3M	Off	2M	4M
2	Off	3M	Gym	2M	Off	2M	5M
3	Off	3M	Gym	3M	Off	3M	4M
4	Off	3M	Gym	4M	Off	3M	6M
5	Off	4M	Gym	3M	Off	3M	5M
6	Off	4M	Gym	3M	Off	4M	6M
7	Off	4M	Gym	3M	Off	4M	5M
8	Off	4M	Gym	3M	Off	4M	6M
9	Off	4M	Gym	4M	Off	4M	5M
10	Off	4M	Gym	3M	Off	4M	6M
11	Off	4M	Gym	3M	Off	3M	5M
12	Off	Gym	3M	Off	Off	2M	DONE!

And So that's that...Now granted I've decided that if I'm horribly sore in the legs from playing sports or an epic run previously done I'll switch a run day to a gym day. I'm not a big fan of PTing more than once per a day. I feel it's pointless. But I do want to still work on being able to do pull-ups one day, but since it's not required of my now I need to focus on increasing my speed while running.

I started this schedule this week. Which is why I think I might die from it. I ran 3 miles this morning. Or close to it anyways. I actually had to stop twice during the run because of the intense PAIN I was feeling in my abdomen. Now when I run, I have, ever since joining the Marine Corps, experienced this horrible horrible pain while running. It's not side stitches. I know what those are and how to deal with them. This is a different pain. It's closer to my diaphram, sometimes, like today, it's more to the right, above my floating ribs. It feels like something inside of me is trying to explode outwards.
I have no idea what it is, and everyone I've ever mentions it to just says, "it's your breathing." or "you just don't run enough."
Which is WRONG! Trust me, two years into this I've done a billion different breathing ways and my fair share of running.
But the pain is crippling. If I take deep breaths, like I'm trying to make myself hyperventilate, it lessens. Or if I can distract myself slightly from it, that helps. But once I reach 1 1/2-2 miles thats when it starts and proceeds to get worse till I stop running.
And dear god...If I haven't drank a gallon of water in the past 24 hours... Something I discovered too. I have to practically over dose on water in order to be able to run at all.
My body is really strange.
And I didn't drink hardly any water yesterday, so that didn't help this morning either.
I always try to PT first thing in the morning, I know I should try to do it later, like late evening, because I'm so tired afterwards I'm useless for several hours.
Most people are like, "Wow! I worked out this morning, super early before work, it was so energizing and it really helped me make it through the day!!"
I don't know what workout you do, but mine exhaust me.
and on an ending side note: I still want to play tennis, badminton, or hell even racket ball. I want to take a racket and hit things with it. For realz.