It's true. I have no motivation for anything USMC related at all. Once upon a time I did. I remember it in shame almost.But it boils down to not that I don't like doing anything, but I don't like the way its done, or I don't like doing it with other people -ahem- Marines.
I'm actually feeling so down in the dumps today I deleted the halfway finished post I started. It wasn't conveying what I wanted to say properly. I'm not the greatest with words. I always need to really formulate my thoughts in order to understand where they're going.
Basically 2012 is starting out as a shitty year. If it continues in this trend I'm doomed. Hopefully it won't though.
I started this post to talk about the Marine Corps. Now I've realized I'd rather not at this moment. Maybe tomorrow when I'm better rested I'll organize my thoughts more precisely.
But in other news my boyfriend of over 2 1/2 years is moving. He received his orders finally. Which I was looking forward to up to now. I figured out of all the choices he put down that hopefully we'd be able to close the distance between us a bit.
Not at all. That was all just dreams a butterflies.
Instead he gets to move to a college town up North. A very prestigious college. Not that he's the type of guy to go out and party it up with strange girls. (Even though according to some people I work with I've already lost him to some hot chic who is smarter than me and we just don't know it yet) I don't like the idea that there will be more females around who might catch his eye.
I've noticed from all the males I work with, apparently no matter how devoted you are, you still check out other women intensely. That thought bothers me, because apparently I'm out of the norm of human beings in that I don't look at other people in that way. I don't feel an attraction to other human beings. I can't look at a guy or girl and be like, "yeah he/she is hot". I've never been able to. Ever. When someone points out some one and makes a comment I look and shrug and continue on.
So maybe I am weird? There's something wrong with my chemical makeup? I don't know.
People just make me sick, overall. Maybe because I've dealt with enough of the type of person I despise. But yet somehow I'm too trusting.
Speaking of being too trusting...that will probably be the topic of my next post. I feel like I have a lot to talk about this week. So I might update more often. I just don't want to make these too long.
I'm going to go play Dead Island now. Which is an amazing game. I'm not THAT great at it, but I enjoy nothing more than spending time with my boyfriend online. Since we don't live in the same state this is the best we have right now. We make the most of it. :)
The trusting part can be a problem since there isn't a whole out there to trust. I figure you can be friendly to people without being they're friend and in the case you do become friends then good for it. I'm sorry the beginning of the year hasn't been a good one but I'm sure there will be better times ahead.
ReplyDeleteI don't think there is anything wrong with you either. It's simply that you aren't so shallow as the people you interact with. Looking at the superficial doesn't interest you and that's okay. There are a ton of people that, me included. I personally see no point and view it as a frivolous waste of time and energy.