Exhausted.

This past week has been a most trying one for me. Even though the month itself had been great leading up to it. Excluding work, course. I always have to exclude work, since it rarely goes as well as I'd like it to. But I've definitely started a very steep downward stumble. I look forward to the moment I hit rock bottom, so I can know for sure it's over and start back up. But if I manage to stop midway and start back up again, I'm okay with that too.

So, my thirty day challenges. It's very difficult to stick to the actual challenge plan. So my rest days are the days I work. So it will take me more than thirty days to do this. But I think the fact I'm doing it is enough. I enjoy these because I can do them anywhere for the most part, and it involves nothing complicated. However, I don't like doing them in my barracks room when my room mate is present. It's weird to me. So I'll go to the gym and do it there later. The biggest issue I have with the challenges is during the squat challenge, I get BORED. That is my downfall in all I do. When I go to the gym, I'll have to stop and leave because I get bored, I'll get bored of a project I'm working on, a book I started reading (not non-fiction, normally it's something I'm reading for education), school, homework, writing and so on. When I get bored of something, nothing can help me continue except sheer willpower, and depending on the day, I'll be low on that. So when I'm doing squats and I get past 80....I start to get REALLY bored now. I'm not looking forward to the last few weeks when I do close to 200+ squats a day.
But I will keep at it. I need to be able to do pull-ups by next year. That's my goal, the one thing I'm going for, after I can do my pull-ups for the PFT, my fitness goals will change to more accurately reflect what I REALLY want. Which is I smaller, toned body. I hate that I can't wear non-form fitting clothes without looking in a mirror or photos and all I see is a fat body underneath. I've never hated a part of myself so much as I hate my arms. I know I'm stronger, I feel it, but I don't see it. So I need to fix that.

I've also wandered astray from some other goals I set myself towards. I know this is normal, especially when things suddenly change and you're adjusting, or stressed. Which I've been experiencing both for some time now. I spend a lot of time feeling dazed and lost, almost as if I'm continuing on half asleep. When I'm at work I'm a different me. I've managed to start creating a self that is what I need to be at work, but its draining to be that person all the time. So I have a different me that I'll be when it's just me, by myself. I often wonder if either one is really me, or just aspects of a single individual. I recall as a teenager wondering about all this, and find it strange that years later I still have similar thoughts. But I was once told that you don't truly know who you are till after 25. And I'm not there yet, so it makes sense.
Life is about self-discovery. The most important things you learn are often about yourself. There are things about you that you may not even know, or be aware of. There are thoughts and decisions you've never had to make that you won't know how you'll be until that exact moment comes upon you.
We all have a thought of how we'd like to be, but how honest that is, is entirely up to debate. I find self-discovery confusing at times, because I have a nack for seeing both sides of things, I find it easy to try and picture myself thinking like another, to better understand them. Or I think a certain way because I'm supposed to, which is all part of being in the military.
I don't think that means I'm not me, I think that all helps make up who I am. But when I look at myself I have issues deciding on things because things that don't affect me, or my life directly, its difficult to have a stance on.

Maybe one day I'll figure it all out, probably won't be this lifetime though.

I have so much I should do, others want me to do, what I want to do, and in the end I tend to do what absolutely needs to get done. I'll never be able to fully have that marine mind-set, but when I put on my cammies I'll have it for that moment. When I'm working on my school work, for a moment, I'm a scholar. And so on, with everything else.

I have so much I want to dedicate myself to, but when it comes push-to-shove I'm exhausted and just bow out. I can't just pick one thing and that be it. I want to do everything, know tons of information, be physically fit, have my dreams come to life in front of me.
But the one thing I truly work towards everyday is to be with my husband again. When that happens maybe something will change inside me. I can't make those kind of predictions. But I need to find balance in my life. This is something I've just realized.

What I seek
is balance.

Dedicated.

Over the past few months I have started changing. Or trying to, physically. I started a gym regiment that for once in my short Marine Corps career I've somewhat managed to stick to. And I'm getting stronger, I can't see the results on myself, but improper dieting will hide a lot from you. And since I don't have a kitchen and most days of the week the chow hall isn't an option for me...I don't have many options.
But I made the decision I want to actually become fit. I want to look fit, feel fit, and be fit. I want my level of struggling to be beyond anything it's been before. I want to be able to hop on the pullup bar and bust out twenty like it's cool.
And I'm going to dedicate myself to that.
This is something I should have done years ago, but I didn't have the mindset for it. I was too unfocused on what needed to be done. I couldn't see the future, and my current path was clouded. Well luckily for me there was a break in the fog and I'm able to get myself on track.
So I'm going to do my best to keep up with this fitness thing, and try not to just stuff myself all the time on my days off. I still love to eat Japanese food and there's no way I'll cut that out, but when I eat meals, I'll try to make them healthier. I've already started incorporating spinach into a lot of what I eat, AND into my shakes I drink after the gym. Small steps, but it feels like a big leap. If only eating healthy wasn't SO EXPENSIVE!
but I digress.
To start out with my current challenge I'm embarking is the 30 day squat challenge. I'm on day three, and my legs and I aren't speaking currently. No joke.
Day 1, which was Sunday, I did 50 squats.
Day 2, 55 squats
Day 3, 60 squats.
Went to the gym to do legs today, couldn't do it. Anything involving the use of my thighs is not do-able currently. Thank the Gods tomorrow is a rest day for the squats. I need it.
Yes, I am still attending the gym on a regular basis. On days I work, since I can't leave the shop during the entire 24 hours I'm going to develop a Shift Workout Plan. That way I can still get some physical activity in during that time. The other days I will go to the gym and follow my workout plan, occasionally throwing in an extra exercise or two just to mix it up.
If anyone wants to know the plan I'm doing just comment and say so, I'll post it, if I don't discuss it in later posts.
This is my everything blog, I want to post so much on here, but I'm too busy doing stuff to do so. Which is a good thing. But it makes the blog dull.
Oh well.
Pull ups are more important.
And oddly enough the fact I'm going to the gym now is motivating, and it makes my peers and my superiors look at me in a different light. I'm not longer a lazy disgruntled complainer. I'm a motivated leader who is trying to improve themselves so I can inspire my juniors to the same. I may never be a good runner, but I won't give up trying.
And neither should anyone else. If you want it, go for it. Find that reason within that makes you want to succeed. We'll all experience failure at one point or another, but what separates us is that we'll pick ourselves up and keep trying.
Because that's what living is about. 

renewly inspired.

Yes, I realize I probably made a word up with the title of this. But that's how I feel currently. I have so much I want to do project wise. I just currently don't have any time to do it. Literally. Go figure.

Since it's been over 6 months since I've posted I don't think I should bother with all the details of what happened in my life. Especially since no one is currently keeping up on reading this.

I have been living in Japan since mid August. I love Japan. I do not love Marines getting in trouble in Japan. It messes with my off base libo. Which is super important to everyone, as far as I know. Nothing I personally can do about that though, except just keep looking out for my Marines and doing the right thing. Moral courage is one of the hardest things the Marine Corps teaches, but it is one of the most important lessons and person can ever learn.

Currently we're getting new furniture in our barracks. So my life is going to be dedicated this week to prepping my room for that, helping my roommate learn to organize her life, and getting ready for a trip to Thailand. I just googled "Cobra Gold 2013" just to see if mentioning it in an online blog would be an OPSEC issue. And....I don't believe so, because the exercise has their own FACEBOOK PAGE! Still, I'll watch my words. And hopefully have a good time while I'm there.

Meanwhile, while this blog was originally meant for me to vent about anything I wanted to. I'm considering revamping it to be more about my projects and things I'm working on. Maybe people will see it and can comment and help with things I'm stuck on (like the fact I share a tiny room with another person who owns too much stuff and won't condense her belongings or even organize them on occasion).

So be prepared for me to start updating again. I'll try to keep up this time!!

Ja ne!

part time thinker.

Went for a the day before yesterday. Planned on making it a short run, I ended up doing sprints off and on for two miles. It was nice. Gave me much time to think, to physically burned off some stress. It was almost perfect weather outside for the kind of feel I was going for. It was a short break in a storm. The rain had stopped, it was evening, still cloudy out. You could feel the energy in the air. The storm wasn't over yet, but I wanted to go outside anyways. I haven't ran in over a month. Before the PFT I was scared of running because I knew I wouldn't be able to achieve what I wanted to. I loathe running for any other reason than for me. Being diagnosed with asthma was a halfhearted relief. I wonder if my pain really is asthma or if I just settled for that. Settled for any explanation that gives me something I can beat. When I was running yesterday I would sprint until I felt like my lungs would burst, until my body just stopped, but then I would just walk off the pain and then run again. I thought about how I'd like to just run away from everything. To be able to just let go of everything, and feel myself be lifted off the earth, the wings I always have in my dreams spread out and I can just take flight. When I was running it wasn't for physical training, it was to sweat out all the tears I can't cry.
During my slower jogging I would look up at the clouds rolling by and remember my childhood obsession with the elements, with nature. I'd always take those online quizzes of, 'Which Element Are You?'. In reality I knew which element I wanted to be. I always knew which one I wanted to be. Air, I wanted to be uncontainable, free, everywhere there is life, a day dreamer. Water was known for being able to slowly wear away its own path, adaptable,and healing. Earth is always well grounded, solid, nurturing, and full of strength and endurance. Fire was a burning passion, strong will, energy, creates and destroys. In paganism the elements are important, when drawing a sacred circle for workings you invoke the elements, you work with the elements, and it can feel as if they truly work with you. While running I felt slightly more in tune with them again, an energy about that I haven't felt in a long time.
Growing up I always tried to conform myself into what I wanted me to be, but in truth I didn't know anything about myself. To this day I don't. I know what I want, and what I need, but I don't know who I want to be. I don't know how I want to be. In a way I do, but the person I would like to think of myself as, is a person I don't think I'm capable of becoming. I feel as though I've tried this path before, and again and again it has burnt me. Being a good person and believing in those around me with out reason has only shown me how I can't trust the people around me, because as human beings we all carry corruptness within us, due to the society we will, the expectations the world burdens us with. We are forced to play the mind games of others. Especially in the military. You can never just believe that the marines around you are looking out for you. That only occurs if it interests them. If it is convenient for them.
Maybe it is just my personality type. Being an ISFJ apparently describes me to a tee. I never really knew it though. Most things I've come to realize about myself over the years had to be pointed out to me multiple times on different occasions. I don't think I trust people, but I do more than I'd like to admit.
 "They are truly warm and kind-hearted, and want to believe the best of people. They value harmony and cooperation, and are likely to be very sensitive to other people's feelings. People value the ISFJ for their consideration and awareness, and their ability to bring out the best in others by their firm desire to believe the best."
I do that everyday, with every person. After talking to an individual I can see how they've come to the path they're on. How one can feel trapped in the choices they've made, how nothing is in their control, but yet everything is. 
I tend to think to myself better than I express it to the world around me. I always feel as if I'm taking in information, even stuff I don't understand yet. But if it left an impression on me I will remember it years from when it occurred. 
Like my startling realization while running that I may be more of a Leo than I realized. How I could represent a certain aspect of fire. How was long as I have something to burn on I will rage forth in my own way to cleanse what I feel is wrong. How I will remember all that has happened and I will let it fuel me in the future. 
I won't let myself be forced to become a person I am not, even if it means I will be a Tier III marine. What I do, I do for myself, what I do for myself, I do for the people I love. 
I am proud to be in the Marine Corps, but it is not a proudness I feel while I am there, it is when I look back and I see how I have impacted others, even in the slightest way and it helped them go on, to achieve what they wanted to do. Even if they don't realize it, if I don't even notice. I know that in small ways I make a difference. 
Maybe one day I will be part of something largely impactful. I don't feel as if I ever will. But I will be proud that I made the decision to serve the country I was born in, that I went through the training, I dealt with the pain, and the people. And that I came out no worse of a human being for it. I was part of a mission, and maybe even though if I hadn't been there someone else would be...but it wasn't like that. I've never saved lives, I've never fought in battles, but perhaps because I was there, someone else wasn't. And through that chain of events maybe something good did come from it. 
No one will ever know the extent of the butterfly effect or how deeply it is involved in everything we do. 
But after my running meditational thoughts on the elements and following my thoughts back up the line I decided and single element isn't something that can represent me. The combination of them, put together into the storms that ravage the earth, or save it. Calm, or violent, but beautiful in every way. The energy in the air we all feel in different ways. The energy some ignore because they've lost touch with all that made them come to being. I will never become those people. I will never run through the calm during a storm and not notice the perfect interaction between nature that has caused something magnificent to come into being. Even though I know the science behind it all, I will never let the world lose its magic to me. 
Ever.

Mass Effect Addict.

***Spoiler Alert***

Disclaimer: This post is more likely than unlikely to contain some sort of spoiler in regards to Mass Effect 3 play through and endings. 

Like I said previously, I beat Mass Effect 3. Granted I had already given in and ruined the ending for myself by watching YouTube videos such as “Ten Reasons We Hate the Ending to Mass Effect 3”. And did some looking into about the numerous amounts of people petitioning for a change to it, for a downloadable content that gives them the closer they seek. In some ways I agree with them. But I think the creators purposely left the ending the way it is for a reason. Maybe that hasn’t been revealed yet. A game like Mass Effect doesn’t end leaving discontent in the wake. Or maybe it does. I don’t know, but with how much revenue the game brings in for the creators on a weekly basis I’m sure they’ve planned out a whole year worth of stuff to release to the fans to keep them playing, to keep them en-captured. Even negative results are still results. They’re still getting attention, they’re still getting money. Even if you didn’t like the game, you’re still going to play it when something new related to it comes out.

Though the one thing I do find bogus is that if you want Shepard to live you have to destroy all Synthetics. EDI, the Geth… It’s stupid. After everything you’ve done to help them advance, to become self-aware of their own consciousness, and after all they’ve done to help you, the universe, and all the races, they become the ultimate sacrifice in order to destroy the Reapers. 

What. The. Fuck. 

I told myself halfway through the game I was going to destroy the Reapers, and when the voice in the back of my head threw in, “At any cost!” I wasn’t really expecting this. I didn’t want to control them and send them away forever. That’s becoming a Reaper. No joke, I read it as that in the game guide. You become a reaper. Fuck that. And then synthesis, apparently the final stage of evolution, the only way the peace between the Geth and the Quarians will remain, the only way synthetics won’t destroy all organics in the future. As cool as that sounds, and as cool as Joker’s eyes looking glowing green. I don’t see how that helps. Making everyone partly synthetic against their will is going to solve the problem? It’ll take them quite a bit to figure out it’s even happened since apparently Shepard is destroyed in the process. Screw you Bioware!! The hero of the galaxy can’t even catch a break to win this war.
My boyfriend is a believer that the only proper ending for a true hero is for him to die being a hero. I can see the logic behind that, but the romantic in me clings to the horror against it. I know sacrifices are made to save others. I know in real life there isn’t a happy ending to most things out there. But I went all three games not losing a team member!! I made all the choices that unlocked even the most hard to get parts for me!! And in the end I couldn’t even make the Illusive Man shoot himself!! I couldn’t save Anderson. I saved Earth; I saved the Galaxy from the Reapers. Hell, even I survived.  But I had to destroy all the synthetics. Granted we’re just going to make them again. It’s destined to happen. Like the little brat, who suspiciously looks like the little boy who died at the beginning of the game, and like the little boy you see after the credits asking for more stories about Shepard, says, it is only a temporary fix. More synthetics will be made in the future, either by us or our children. But I think our history will help us deal with that when it happens.

I find it odd to begin with those synthetics made it their mission of eternity to keep the cycle going in the Milky Way Galaxy. For real? That little kid HAD to have been synthetic. But he created the Reapers he said, as his solution to “chaos”. So… a synthetic created a race of synthetics in order to save the organics….? Is anyone else as baffled as I am about it? Who created the Catalyst? Where did he come from? What is his history? How does he keep the reapers in check, because last time I looked the pretty much seemed to have free will to do whatever they wanted once harvesting time began. What keeps them from breaking the cycle? It’s not their kind and gentle programing and their love for organics, that’s for fucking sure. Otherwise the harvesting wouldn’t be so brutal, so painful or disgusting. And if you go back through the previous games they do say that they are humanities salvation and blah blah. But something isn’t quite right. They use the organics to make more of themselves. It’s like their “God” and the races are simply a pet project. Once we make it so far in our evolution they harvest us, to keep up from doing what we managed to do in the end? Destroy them? Rival them?
But why would the catalyst let us destroy what he created? He acknowledged his solution wouldn’t work anymore, Shepard standing in front of him on the Citadel proved that. But how? The reapers still could have prevailed in the end. He could have taken Shepard out and carried on with plans as usual. Did he just give up on his personal (or programmed) mission to protest organics? Left us to whatever fate we have brought onto ourselves by resisting harvest to this extent?
I feel like there is something more. Every species fights for their survival. It’s instinctive, even machines are programmed to survive. Your computer is designed to shut down to protect itself and the information it holds.
So what lies beyond the Milky Way Galaxy? What is happening out there now?
…is there more to come from the Mass Effect universe?

I sure hope so. 

I did some looking into the “Indoctrination Theory” about Mass Effect 3 and its ending. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ythY_GkEBck

There are some really valid points made in the YouTube video. However, I’m skeptical due to the fact that if Shepard is indoctrinated, what comes after? They said that his internal fight against indoctrination started when you get up, shoot the husks and Marauder Shields, and then jump to the Citadel. If that’s the case, then there has to be more after you make one of the three choices. Bioware would let you know, somehow, someway, that you’re indoctrinated and you didn’t beat it. AND if you choose to destroy the reapers and you see Shepard live there has to be more after that. The battle on Earth and everywhere else in the Milky Way Galaxy didn’t just end victoriously because you defeated your own indoctrination. You’d still have to find a way to defeat the Reapers and save Earth.

But still…the little kid whom you see playing on the rooftop, in the air vent and then die at the beginning, see in your dreams, and then looks similar to the catalyst at the end… it does meet the requirements of the description of Indoctrination, but I don’t think that’s all it is. I mean, it could just be Bioware used the same kid for all that for simplicity sake. To leave a lasting impression of those lost and how they will haunt Shepard because he feels as if he could have saved them. Who knows! But I suppose that why they call it a theory. No way to truly know unless Bioware themselves admits to something.

But I don’t think it was indoctrination, but if it was…cool, I want more Mass Effect to play, and beating indoctrination means that there HAS to be more to play. 

Now, I’d like to take a moment to talk about one of my favorite parts of Mass Effect 3… the romance storyline… 

In the first game I romanced Liara, because she was the only female who struck my interest. Ashley was a bitch, so I killed her off, and relish it to this day. :D
And I don’t think there was much else option wise for the first game. It was cool though, I enjoyed it.
The second game I romanced Tali. Liara was off tracking down the Shadow Broker or whatever she did in her spare time, and Tali was getting more awesome by the second, and the hopes of seeing her without her mask played a major influential part too.  But alas…no Tali face for me in the game. Just some really cute scenes of her and Shepard.
Mass Effect 3… I didn’t know who I was going to romance. Liara was back on the Normandy and I told her I still held an interest in ‘us’. And I did, it wasn’t a lie. Liara was a favorite character always, even though I was hurt she left me in Mass Effect 2. We could work past that. Kaidan was back on the Normandy as well. I hardly ever took Kaidan on missions in the first game. I was an alien squad mate kind of Shepard. But Kaidan was still cool. I always interacted with him lots in the first game, and in the second game I wanted him to come back to the Normandy with me. Him and Shepard seemed as though if circumstances had been different they could have been really good friends. So I spent the beginning trying to nicely convince Kaidan that Cerberus didn’t control me, they never controlled me, and I never worked for them. It was a mutual using of each other. This was whole-heartedly true. Then Kaidan almost died, I freaked. Wondering if there was any way I could have kept that from happening. Nope, part of the game. But I did go visit him every opportunity I had. I care deeply about all my squad mates, and after every mission I always go talk to all of them to see what they have to say. It’s always interesting.  :D However, as Kaidan recovered, accepted the Spectre status, and we talked off and on, and he joined the Normandy, I started to sense that there was something more to his feelings. I even said out loud as playing that I would get with Kaidan if I could. He had grown a lot since the first game. And he was a hell of a fighter too. Our abilities complimented each other (as well as with EDI). But I never thought more of it. Shepard had no indicators of homosexuality in any previous games, so I doubted it would start now, with it being such a touchy subject and all. Though the option of being with Cortez was lovely. It makes me happy to see industries becoming more accepting of same-sex relationships. I believe that shows society as a whole is slowly moving forward in being less judgmental. There are always haters. But overall acceptance is a nice goal. Then BAM! The meeting at the Citadel. I figured Kaidan just had some stuff to get off his chest. Or it was another man-date, like the one Shepard has with Garrus. Didn’t think anything of it. Until halfway into the conversation when I saw were this was going. My heart was racing, my fan girl was at full power and I was so excited about what I saw was possible. When Kaidan started saying, “You plan a career, you focus and suddenly the worlds ending and it’s too late to…uh..find someone.”
Shepard: “Someone?”
Kaidan: “We’ve been friends a long time Shepard. Have you ever known me to be with anyone? I guess I’m just choosy, or  patient, or..*sighs*..I don’t know. Maybe what I’ve never found, what I want is something deeper with someone I already…care about. *pause* That’s what I want.*looks at Shepard* What do you want?”

And about this time I am glowing with joy. Doing an inner squeal of fan girl happiness. And then…

Shepard: “..you and me? Is that what you’re saying, Kaidan?”
Kaidan: “It feels right, doesn’t it?”
Shepard: “It would be nice to have someone to turn to when things get grim. Someone to live for, maybe love.”
Kaidan: “Someone?”
Shepard: “You, Kaidan. *exhales a short burst* It does…it does feel right. After all this time, you and me…I like that. A lot.”
Kaidan: “And that, makes me so happy. And there are benefits to that happiness.”
Shepard: “Really?”
Kaidan: “Yes. Really.”
*Camera starts to pan out from them sitting at the table*
Shepard: “What did you call it? A sanity check?”
Kaidan: “Mmm. A sanity check.”
-End Scene-

I pretty much died at this point. I screamed in joy, did laps around the house, and proceeded to tell everyone I know of this unexpected event. I was a bit sad there weren’t more romantic scenes with Kaidan, but I understand. It’s okay. There still were cute moments, and the sexy scene at the end before the final battle. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QqMxpuiQ1MU&list=FLskAkd8_erUgn-oUVZAQu8Q&index=3&feature=plpp_video

 And then a tear jerker of a scene before the rush to the citadel. I pretty much cried on the inside. Sobbed my fan girl heart out over Kaidan and Shepard’s goodbye to each other. When Kaidan was saying that we both know what this is, its good-bye, I was sobbing, “No! Don’t say that!”
Super happy it was an option for Shepard to say. Fit me perfectly. And then when Shepard goes to walk off, Kaidan reaches out, grabs him and pulls him in for an intense romantic, heartfelt kiss. You can literally feel the love seeping out of the TV. It was the sweetest moment. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N2IHOh8J1fk&list=FLskAkd8_erUgn-oUVZAQu8Q&index=2&feature=plpp_video

I chose the paragon choices, but that vid did the renegade ones. >.< 

To be honest I think the reason that scene got to me so much is because I tend to imagine as if it was real. I was really there, and saying possibly good bye to my boyfriend forever. It tears my heart up. I’m super empathetic like that I guess. I apply scenarios to my life and relationship and how I would feel.
Yeah, I know. I’m pathetic.

Though I do find it rather fascinating that in the Official Mass Effect 3 Gamer Guide it doesn’t mention you can get with Kaidan as male Shepard. And most websites about romances, and walkthroughs don’t have it either. Interesting… either they really didn’t know, or refuse to admit. But they have to admit to the Cortez one (hehehe), it’s really bluntly there. 

And apparently, there is a mod for ME1 where you can get with Kaidan as male Shepard, but that part of the game was never actually finished. So it’s a little glitchy and weird at times. BUT!! It does carry over to the next two games. When you confront Kaidan in ME2 he mentions how he loved you, and then you can (obviously) renew the relationship in ME3.
BIOWARE!!! Why would you make us miss out on this!! I could have had Kaidan from the start!!
Oh well, at least I got to experience him in the end. Now I’m addicted to ME3 Kaidan/Mshep fanfiction. *sparkles in eyes* it’s so beautifully wonderful. 

Feel free to comment on any part of all this! I know it was a long one. 

XD Love it

random updater.

So here I am, been almost a month. But not quite. I keep thinking to myself, "Oh! I should put that in my blog!" "Oh! I'll have to keep this in mind...for my blog." And then I end up being too lazy and easily to distracted to get around to it. Soo... Here I am, updating. Considering prepping further updates, so It'll look like I'm task oriented and prepared, but really I just plan ahead for my laziness. 0.o;;
Any who~
Noticed the interface of the website changed. I'm very unhappy with this. I like it the old way, I didn't change to the new way for a reason. I can't find anything!!!
Sucks.
I've been on this cooking fix recently. I want to learn to cook more from-not-out-of-a-box type foods. So homemade tomato soup! 

It was super tasty. I actually ended up making this because of the random ingredients I had in my fridge. Like, celery, carrots, garlic cloves, onions....and it was an easy recipe. So that helped me pick it too. I'm rather low on money this month. So looking up recipes based on what I already have and limiting what I go out and buy, is rather useful. Though, it is much easier (and cheaper) to just buy cheaper food that is practically pre-made for you.  Very unhealthy though, I've looked into it.
While I was waiting for the soup to slow simmer itself to being done I did this:
This is a Totoro (from My Neighbor Totoro by Studio Ghibli) peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I had it as a snack while making tomato soup. The soup was more lunch for the next few days at work. Tiny sandwich, little details, very tasty. 

And following that I started to work on this!! Totoro chocolates! They are so cute!!! For a first time I think I did rather well with them. 

They'll be better next time. First time is always a learning process. :)
I didn't think of these awesome ideas on my own. I wish I could say I did, but I found them on this awesome website: http://www.annathered.com/how-to-bento/characters/
She has lots of cute How-to's about making different character foods. I found it while looking for croquette recipes and she has one to make them look like Domo. Soo...next week's cooking for fun project has already been decided. I'll let you know how it comes out. Super excited!! But check it out if you're interested. She has all sorts of cool stuff scattered throughout her website. It's pretty nifty.

I know my last post I discussed my gardening. I finally got around to uploading the pic of it from my phone: 

Of course this is it before I planted anything or put the fence up around it to keep the dog out. (It's not my dog, it's my house-mate's.) Oddly and shockingly enough it's coming along rather well. I haven't killed anything off yet. Lol! Though the seeds haven't had too much time to grow yet, but I did buy some plants already grown and blooming, and they're doing okay. I worry that they don't get enough sun with how the yard is set up, but I'll be moving this summer, so not much I can do about that. :(

And also interesting thing I did this month: Played Disk Golf. I didn't believe it was a real thing the first time it was mentioned to me. It's real, and it's pretty fun too, regardless of if you're any good at it or not. My right arm and shoulder muscle's were so sore the next day though. Definitely not used to using them like that. XD
Odd thing though: the disk golf course is literally right next to a waste facility plant. 0.o Thankfully enough I didn't get random bouts of turd smells while playing. Luck was with us that day. Though on the list of interesting ideas for mail boxes I think they have the right idea with theirs.

Hilarious!! We were taking pictures of it and a person was driving out of the waste plant and he stopped, rolled down his window and said to us, "That wasn't my idea, just so you know."
Then he drove away.  Random, but funny. I got a kick out of it.

Lastly: before I end this for today, I beat Mass Effect 3!!! I'm about a month or so behind everyone else, but I did beat it. I understand people's upsetness with the endings, and I think next post I shall discuss this further.
And to help with my research I read the Official Mass Effect 3 Guide book. It was insightful, but not extremely helpful. But there are 8 endings involving the three endings you hear people talk about. Just keep that in mind.
And male Shepard and Kaidan forever!! <333 I can't believe you got to romance him as a male. *sparkly eyes*
*ahem* Like I said, next post. We shall discuss. >:D

Springtime Gardener

So, got out of the habit of posting. That happens a lot. Oh well. I've been keeping busy and doing well. Dealt with some weird moments in February, but that seems to have passed. Though, maybe it just feels like a long time ago because I haven't stepped foot into work for two weeks. Which has been heavenly. I seriously want another job.
But those are unhappy thoughts that lead to things like my previous post. Which then I don't post for months again. But honestly, I had to stop posting, the wrong kind of attention was being drawn, and it was....weird. Borderline creepy. I won't say more until more time passes. (ooh, cliff hanger).
However, I have started a new hobby, that is EXHAUSTING!! At least it was today. I started my first garden. Granted, I have a tiny backyard, so a tiny garden it is. But it was shockingly cheap, and really fun, relaxing in some ways. I enjoyed it. I planted a mixture of flowers. It'll be nice if I have a larder yard one day and I can have a vegetable garden. My boyfriend and I can enjoy that together. =^_^=
As I was digging into the dirt I happened to notice that about three inches down, there was a two-three inch layer of sand in my yard. So for the sake of not wanting dead flowers I dug it up.
All of it.
And put the top dirt back, and the sand in a pile by the fence.
So that's really random looking, but I don't know what to do with it. So there it stays. All that was growing by that fence was moss anyways. I just hope that the flowers get enough sunlight to bloom. The way the yard it and the fences are, it might be hard. So I'm thinking of this as my trial garden. I have said my good byes to the plants in case they don't make it.
So I spent hours doing that today. My roommates dog was out there playing around in the dirt, and plants, and eating grubs (ew). So she had a bath before she could come in and run around. I was very dirty too, some of it was of my own design (sitting in the dirt, for example), some of it wasn't (Abby jumped all over my with her muddy paws). But I enjoyed today a lot.
BUT I'M SO TIRED!!!
It's a good tired though. A contently tired. :)
Makes me wanna plant more gardens. >:D
If my flowers survive I'll post pictures. Don't get your hopes up, just in case.
I'm going to go pass out now. I have work tomorrow, its a new schedule too. Day shift, night shift, 48 hours off. At least 96's will be easy to fit in, though like always, we'll never get more than exactly 96 hours off, and the day crew will get their 120-something hours. Extremely lame favoritism there. I do not like it.