Newbie Painter

Well, look at this, it's almost like I'm a regular updater.
Except we all know I'm not, so I must have scheduled these after saving up posts.
D: I know, it's almost like betrayal.

But, to the topic at hand.
So ages ago (last year) I had a room mate who is in the Army. Which was pretty awesome, considering how sick of Marines I get at times. But she was HUGE into thrift store stuff. And out in town here there are some pretty neat thrift stores. She'd always find the coolest things there. I was always jealous of her skills. It was like she secretly knew when there was going to be awesome stuff there.
Well she came back to the room one day with this picture she had bought.

 She knew I was into art, and crafts. She'd seen some of the things I had worked on. And so she asked if I would paint it for her. She even offered to pay me.
Like woah. I have dabbled in painting. At least I call it dabbling in painting. I just paint things to see how paint works and to learn. And by painting things, I mean nothing huge, because I always lose interest and forget to come back to it (Hence the previous post, that pillow is STILL not done).
Well I said I would, and I wouldn't charge, because I'm no pro. I dabble in everything that I do.

So I had some paints, but I needed more, and I needed to decide on colors, and think of how I was going to do this, because, yes, that is wood I would be painting on.
And I had to look up how flowers look.
I bought some paint from the Daiso (yes, I bought dollar paint, and its amazing). I worked on this for a few days.
Now granted, it took me MONTHS to start working on it. Mainly because I'm a procrastinator, but also because of how nervous I was.
Well it was getting close to Christmas, and during December I was going to Guam for exercise Forager Fury, and after that I was going on leave for a few weeks AND in January my roommate was PCS-ing. (She wasn't my roommate by then, she had moved to another room, but we were still friends)

So I wanted to give her what she had requested, and I figured it had to be before Guam or never.

Well I must say I am super proud of myself. She really liked it. I went with pink flowers because I love Cherry Blossoms and anything that makes me think of them. :D The background is blue shiny paint I got at the Daiso. My biggest issue was figuring out how to paint the background and it not look like a mess. I definitely had a lot of issues, and moments of panic during that time. But the rest of it was just remaining focused and remembering painting techniques I had learned through trail and error.
The way the design was carved in helped a lot, because on top of the shading I did the wood itself enhanced it, and probably covered any mistakes I made.
After I was done painting I had to go back through and carefully clean it all up. I had my moments where I said, "Screw it!" and just gobbed paint on, only to regret it ten minutes later.
Patience is a virtue. and it produces great things.

Pillow chair

So I did this a while back, and technically its still something I'm supposed to be working on.
So about a decade ago (Ugh, I can actually say that now and it be true. I hate it, but I use it all the time because it pleases me at the same time) my Mother gave me this sweet pillow chair. Perfect for lounging and reading. And I use it all the time. However, after so many years of use, and falling asleep on and I've taken it with me everywhere in life, it was starting to look really gross. I was at the point where I'd put it away or put blankets and stuff on it when people came around.
But I have never seen another pillow chair so well done, and perfect. That makes me refuse to give it up.
Being the genius I am, I decided that I could just sew new fabric on it. Why not? People reupholster furniture all the time.
So I went to Tokai Heart and made a wild guess at how much fabric I'd need, also taking into account how I'll probably mess up at some point cutting it, so I should get extra.
I also bought a sweet curved needle (and some finger protection). Lastly I bought iron-on fusing web. Which, I'm sure can easily be skipped, but I think it helped a little bit.

I forgot to take pictures of most of this. I was too excited and just started working on it.
But I laid the fabric over the pillow and traced it so it was close in shape. Cut it out, ironed it flat, and I folded the edges under and ironed those down as well.

And then I began just sewing the fabric on around the edges. It was handy that there is the pieces around the pillow, because it hides my stitches pretty well.
I used the iron-on fusing web to hold the fabric on and keep it in place. I laid it on the edges near where I was going to be sewing and ironed the fabric onto it.





So this piece took forever it felt like. My poor fingers were so sore from pushing the needle through so many times. I kept my stitches small and close together, I don't want it coming off or apart easily. Not until I'm ready to replace it again. 







I haven't done the back yet, saving the biggest chore for last. Especially since it'll be a huge piece, and a weird shape.

 So after taking a break for a week or so, I got around to sewing the arm pieces on.
I'm pretty pleased with myself, because I've never done anything like this before. This was just on a whim of trying to save a favorite pillow.

Hair Clip Crafter

Well, definitely been a minute or two...or weeks, since I've been on here. I could never find what I felt was a good enough reason to post. I've definitely done a lot in the past year, but I don't like just doing angry posts, and sadly most of my time when I have time to write I feel angry.


BUT!
Today is not that sort of day.
I set aside time to do crafts. I spent a month in Korea away from all my things, and spent all my time looking at other people's things on Pinterest.
So the project I decided to so is one I've been wanting to do FOREVER. It's pretty easy, but setting aside the time to do anything is a problem I have.
One day when I was out in Japan, shopping, I came across this:

It's a hair clip that looks like a bow! Genius! Well, I bought it, and I wear it most of the time. And I got to thinking to myself. I can make this...

So I went to a nearby Daiso (100 yen store, they're my favorite places to shop. Way better than $1 stores) and I bought a hair clip. I bought my fabric at the nearby crafts store, Tokai Heart. They have baskets of fabric that's left over, or meant for other projects. But works perfectly for me. :D

Other things I needed: 

Glue gun

scissors

clear nail polish

pins (cuz I'm lazy)

And now I'm ready to start!!

 I folded the fabric in half and laid the clip on it to determine the width I'd need, and I cut it slightly wider than the clip is on both sides. You also need to cut a piece to put over the top of the clip too. 

This fabric was already fraying just from me handling it, so I needed to do something about that. 

I don't have a sewing machine here with me, so I use any shortcuts I can. For fraying fabric clear nail polish works wonders.

I just paint around the edges of all my fabric pieces. It's dark fabric so I don't have to worry about it showing much. Lighter fabric you'd have to be more careful.

Measuring the size of the piece that goes over the top of the clip. If you don't want to add this piece I doubt it makes a difference. I've also seen clips where the bow was on top instead of the sides. Maybe I'll try that one day...

 So above is one of the bow I made. I took my fabric and I folded each side in so they met in the middle in the back. From there it is just a matter of bunching the fabric up so it has the look you want. I went with four folds in mine, makes gluing it easier that way.

Folding the pieces back in this way gives the bow some substance, so it's not thin feeling.

 I cut long strips to wrap around the bow. I folded the pieces slightly to get the width I wanted, and its a nice look. I would have done more folds, but I would have needed wider fabric strips. I played around with it for a bit before deciding on this. After that it's a matter of cutting it the length you need to wrap around the center of the bow. I didn't do mine tightly because I wanted my bow to flare out more.
After that I glued the ends of the strip together. So you have a ring, like below. Then sliding the bow through it is easy.

It's cute!

 So you make two bows in that manner.
Now it's time to clue everything to the clip.
I haven't used a glue gun in years, so I forgot how fast hot glue cools. It's a rush against time!

 I glued the center fabric on first. That was the easy part.

 Next I loaded on the glue to put the bow on. I looks all messy here, but I assure you it's not that bad. XD

Since I did four folds for my bow I was able to take the center crease and that's what I ended up pressing into the hot glue.

 Finished Product!
I'll probably buy a smaller clip next time and make smaller ones. But I have so much hair that for now I have to use larger clips.

Exhausted.

This past week has been a most trying one for me. Even though the month itself had been great leading up to it. Excluding work, course. I always have to exclude work, since it rarely goes as well as I'd like it to. But I've definitely started a very steep downward stumble. I look forward to the moment I hit rock bottom, so I can know for sure it's over and start back up. But if I manage to stop midway and start back up again, I'm okay with that too.

So, my thirty day challenges. It's very difficult to stick to the actual challenge plan. So my rest days are the days I work. So it will take me more than thirty days to do this. But I think the fact I'm doing it is enough. I enjoy these because I can do them anywhere for the most part, and it involves nothing complicated. However, I don't like doing them in my barracks room when my room mate is present. It's weird to me. So I'll go to the gym and do it there later. The biggest issue I have with the challenges is during the squat challenge, I get BORED. That is my downfall in all I do. When I go to the gym, I'll have to stop and leave because I get bored, I'll get bored of a project I'm working on, a book I started reading (not non-fiction, normally it's something I'm reading for education), school, homework, writing and so on. When I get bored of something, nothing can help me continue except sheer willpower, and depending on the day, I'll be low on that. So when I'm doing squats and I get past 80....I start to get REALLY bored now. I'm not looking forward to the last few weeks when I do close to 200+ squats a day.
But I will keep at it. I need to be able to do pull-ups by next year. That's my goal, the one thing I'm going for, after I can do my pull-ups for the PFT, my fitness goals will change to more accurately reflect what I REALLY want. Which is I smaller, toned body. I hate that I can't wear non-form fitting clothes without looking in a mirror or photos and all I see is a fat body underneath. I've never hated a part of myself so much as I hate my arms. I know I'm stronger, I feel it, but I don't see it. So I need to fix that.

I've also wandered astray from some other goals I set myself towards. I know this is normal, especially when things suddenly change and you're adjusting, or stressed. Which I've been experiencing both for some time now. I spend a lot of time feeling dazed and lost, almost as if I'm continuing on half asleep. When I'm at work I'm a different me. I've managed to start creating a self that is what I need to be at work, but its draining to be that person all the time. So I have a different me that I'll be when it's just me, by myself. I often wonder if either one is really me, or just aspects of a single individual. I recall as a teenager wondering about all this, and find it strange that years later I still have similar thoughts. But I was once told that you don't truly know who you are till after 25. And I'm not there yet, so it makes sense.
Life is about self-discovery. The most important things you learn are often about yourself. There are things about you that you may not even know, or be aware of. There are thoughts and decisions you've never had to make that you won't know how you'll be until that exact moment comes upon you.
We all have a thought of how we'd like to be, but how honest that is, is entirely up to debate. I find self-discovery confusing at times, because I have a nack for seeing both sides of things, I find it easy to try and picture myself thinking like another, to better understand them. Or I think a certain way because I'm supposed to, which is all part of being in the military.
I don't think that means I'm not me, I think that all helps make up who I am. But when I look at myself I have issues deciding on things because things that don't affect me, or my life directly, its difficult to have a stance on.

Maybe one day I'll figure it all out, probably won't be this lifetime though.

I have so much I should do, others want me to do, what I want to do, and in the end I tend to do what absolutely needs to get done. I'll never be able to fully have that marine mind-set, but when I put on my cammies I'll have it for that moment. When I'm working on my school work, for a moment, I'm a scholar. And so on, with everything else.

I have so much I want to dedicate myself to, but when it comes push-to-shove I'm exhausted and just bow out. I can't just pick one thing and that be it. I want to do everything, know tons of information, be physically fit, have my dreams come to life in front of me.
But the one thing I truly work towards everyday is to be with my husband again. When that happens maybe something will change inside me. I can't make those kind of predictions. But I need to find balance in my life. This is something I've just realized.

What I seek
is balance.

Dedicated.

Over the past few months I have started changing. Or trying to, physically. I started a gym regiment that for once in my short Marine Corps career I've somewhat managed to stick to. And I'm getting stronger, I can't see the results on myself, but improper dieting will hide a lot from you. And since I don't have a kitchen and most days of the week the chow hall isn't an option for me...I don't have many options.
But I made the decision I want to actually become fit. I want to look fit, feel fit, and be fit. I want my level of struggling to be beyond anything it's been before. I want to be able to hop on the pullup bar and bust out twenty like it's cool.
And I'm going to dedicate myself to that.
This is something I should have done years ago, but I didn't have the mindset for it. I was too unfocused on what needed to be done. I couldn't see the future, and my current path was clouded. Well luckily for me there was a break in the fog and I'm able to get myself on track.
So I'm going to do my best to keep up with this fitness thing, and try not to just stuff myself all the time on my days off. I still love to eat Japanese food and there's no way I'll cut that out, but when I eat meals, I'll try to make them healthier. I've already started incorporating spinach into a lot of what I eat, AND into my shakes I drink after the gym. Small steps, but it feels like a big leap. If only eating healthy wasn't SO EXPENSIVE!
but I digress.
To start out with my current challenge I'm embarking is the 30 day squat challenge. I'm on day three, and my legs and I aren't speaking currently. No joke.
Day 1, which was Sunday, I did 50 squats.
Day 2, 55 squats
Day 3, 60 squats.
Went to the gym to do legs today, couldn't do it. Anything involving the use of my thighs is not do-able currently. Thank the Gods tomorrow is a rest day for the squats. I need it.
Yes, I am still attending the gym on a regular basis. On days I work, since I can't leave the shop during the entire 24 hours I'm going to develop a Shift Workout Plan. That way I can still get some physical activity in during that time. The other days I will go to the gym and follow my workout plan, occasionally throwing in an extra exercise or two just to mix it up.
If anyone wants to know the plan I'm doing just comment and say so, I'll post it, if I don't discuss it in later posts.
This is my everything blog, I want to post so much on here, but I'm too busy doing stuff to do so. Which is a good thing. But it makes the blog dull.
Oh well.
Pull ups are more important.
And oddly enough the fact I'm going to the gym now is motivating, and it makes my peers and my superiors look at me in a different light. I'm not longer a lazy disgruntled complainer. I'm a motivated leader who is trying to improve themselves so I can inspire my juniors to the same. I may never be a good runner, but I won't give up trying.
And neither should anyone else. If you want it, go for it. Find that reason within that makes you want to succeed. We'll all experience failure at one point or another, but what separates us is that we'll pick ourselves up and keep trying.
Because that's what living is about. 

renewly inspired.

Yes, I realize I probably made a word up with the title of this. But that's how I feel currently. I have so much I want to do project wise. I just currently don't have any time to do it. Literally. Go figure.

Since it's been over 6 months since I've posted I don't think I should bother with all the details of what happened in my life. Especially since no one is currently keeping up on reading this.

I have been living in Japan since mid August. I love Japan. I do not love Marines getting in trouble in Japan. It messes with my off base libo. Which is super important to everyone, as far as I know. Nothing I personally can do about that though, except just keep looking out for my Marines and doing the right thing. Moral courage is one of the hardest things the Marine Corps teaches, but it is one of the most important lessons and person can ever learn.

Currently we're getting new furniture in our barracks. So my life is going to be dedicated this week to prepping my room for that, helping my roommate learn to organize her life, and getting ready for a trip to Thailand. I just googled "Cobra Gold 2013" just to see if mentioning it in an online blog would be an OPSEC issue. And....I don't believe so, because the exercise has their own FACEBOOK PAGE! Still, I'll watch my words. And hopefully have a good time while I'm there.

Meanwhile, while this blog was originally meant for me to vent about anything I wanted to. I'm considering revamping it to be more about my projects and things I'm working on. Maybe people will see it and can comment and help with things I'm stuck on (like the fact I share a tiny room with another person who owns too much stuff and won't condense her belongings or even organize them on occasion).

So be prepared for me to start updating again. I'll try to keep up this time!!

Ja ne!

part time thinker.

Went for a the day before yesterday. Planned on making it a short run, I ended up doing sprints off and on for two miles. It was nice. Gave me much time to think, to physically burned off some stress. It was almost perfect weather outside for the kind of feel I was going for. It was a short break in a storm. The rain had stopped, it was evening, still cloudy out. You could feel the energy in the air. The storm wasn't over yet, but I wanted to go outside anyways. I haven't ran in over a month. Before the PFT I was scared of running because I knew I wouldn't be able to achieve what I wanted to. I loathe running for any other reason than for me. Being diagnosed with asthma was a halfhearted relief. I wonder if my pain really is asthma or if I just settled for that. Settled for any explanation that gives me something I can beat. When I was running yesterday I would sprint until I felt like my lungs would burst, until my body just stopped, but then I would just walk off the pain and then run again. I thought about how I'd like to just run away from everything. To be able to just let go of everything, and feel myself be lifted off the earth, the wings I always have in my dreams spread out and I can just take flight. When I was running it wasn't for physical training, it was to sweat out all the tears I can't cry.
During my slower jogging I would look up at the clouds rolling by and remember my childhood obsession with the elements, with nature. I'd always take those online quizzes of, 'Which Element Are You?'. In reality I knew which element I wanted to be. I always knew which one I wanted to be. Air, I wanted to be uncontainable, free, everywhere there is life, a day dreamer. Water was known for being able to slowly wear away its own path, adaptable,and healing. Earth is always well grounded, solid, nurturing, and full of strength and endurance. Fire was a burning passion, strong will, energy, creates and destroys. In paganism the elements are important, when drawing a sacred circle for workings you invoke the elements, you work with the elements, and it can feel as if they truly work with you. While running I felt slightly more in tune with them again, an energy about that I haven't felt in a long time.
Growing up I always tried to conform myself into what I wanted me to be, but in truth I didn't know anything about myself. To this day I don't. I know what I want, and what I need, but I don't know who I want to be. I don't know how I want to be. In a way I do, but the person I would like to think of myself as, is a person I don't think I'm capable of becoming. I feel as though I've tried this path before, and again and again it has burnt me. Being a good person and believing in those around me with out reason has only shown me how I can't trust the people around me, because as human beings we all carry corruptness within us, due to the society we will, the expectations the world burdens us with. We are forced to play the mind games of others. Especially in the military. You can never just believe that the marines around you are looking out for you. That only occurs if it interests them. If it is convenient for them.
Maybe it is just my personality type. Being an ISFJ apparently describes me to a tee. I never really knew it though. Most things I've come to realize about myself over the years had to be pointed out to me multiple times on different occasions. I don't think I trust people, but I do more than I'd like to admit.
 "They are truly warm and kind-hearted, and want to believe the best of people. They value harmony and cooperation, and are likely to be very sensitive to other people's feelings. People value the ISFJ for their consideration and awareness, and their ability to bring out the best in others by their firm desire to believe the best."
I do that everyday, with every person. After talking to an individual I can see how they've come to the path they're on. How one can feel trapped in the choices they've made, how nothing is in their control, but yet everything is. 
I tend to think to myself better than I express it to the world around me. I always feel as if I'm taking in information, even stuff I don't understand yet. But if it left an impression on me I will remember it years from when it occurred. 
Like my startling realization while running that I may be more of a Leo than I realized. How I could represent a certain aspect of fire. How was long as I have something to burn on I will rage forth in my own way to cleanse what I feel is wrong. How I will remember all that has happened and I will let it fuel me in the future. 
I won't let myself be forced to become a person I am not, even if it means I will be a Tier III marine. What I do, I do for myself, what I do for myself, I do for the people I love. 
I am proud to be in the Marine Corps, but it is not a proudness I feel while I am there, it is when I look back and I see how I have impacted others, even in the slightest way and it helped them go on, to achieve what they wanted to do. Even if they don't realize it, if I don't even notice. I know that in small ways I make a difference. 
Maybe one day I will be part of something largely impactful. I don't feel as if I ever will. But I will be proud that I made the decision to serve the country I was born in, that I went through the training, I dealt with the pain, and the people. And that I came out no worse of a human being for it. I was part of a mission, and maybe even though if I hadn't been there someone else would be...but it wasn't like that. I've never saved lives, I've never fought in battles, but perhaps because I was there, someone else wasn't. And through that chain of events maybe something good did come from it. 
No one will ever know the extent of the butterfly effect or how deeply it is involved in everything we do. 
But after my running meditational thoughts on the elements and following my thoughts back up the line I decided and single element isn't something that can represent me. The combination of them, put together into the storms that ravage the earth, or save it. Calm, or violent, but beautiful in every way. The energy in the air we all feel in different ways. The energy some ignore because they've lost touch with all that made them come to being. I will never become those people. I will never run through the calm during a storm and not notice the perfect interaction between nature that has caused something magnificent to come into being. Even though I know the science behind it all, I will never let the world lose its magic to me. 
Ever.