So I'm updating simply because I've been forgetting to, but mainly because I've felt hesitant about topics to post about, but since the people I work with spent FOREVER trying to find it online I'm confident that it is indeed unsearchable. So that makes me happy. I've officially deleted myself from the internet. Yay!
So I shall now laugh at them as they admit their defeat and go back to their mindless shift activities. I should be doing homework, or reading chapters, but don't really feel up to it, ever. -_- Cannot wait till I'm not longer a college student. I mean, I'll miss it I'm sure, but working full time and being a student sucks. I hate homework.
Speaking on the douchebags on shift (they call themselves that, so I don't feel bad continueing the reference), these dudes have the biggest issue admitting their own narcissism. I'm not the best at spontaneously speaking my mind unless I've had a change to fully formulate my thoughts. So often times things come out...odd? I don't know, but I make sense to myself and thats good enough for me, but explaining to others is a pain. But THESE GUYS...they think everything has some sort of reference to them. Or another marine. I know its them giving shit, but as much as a joke turns into a no-shit-rumor I don't appreciate nearly as much as I do their other jabs. Saying I'm secretly trying to get with anyone burns me up, and they think its funny because I sit there and laugh and shake my head, and I'll tell them they're fucking wrong. But really, it's not always about you or some other marine you know. You'd think these people would know me enough by now to know that over my dead body will I even consider another human being worth even touching. Honestly, the thought makes me want to puke. Something about the person...I guess you could say an aura of sorts, is really unsettling and just churns my stomach. Maybe it's because I'm so anti-whore/slut/cheater/whatever, but still. I don't even appreciate hugs, and while high-fives are cool even those feel awkward at times. Maybe its because I'm not used to human contact like that, but still. It takes quite a bit for me to muster up a hug even for people I've known for a while.
And call me Cassie one more time fuckers...I'll knife you.
(DISCLAIMER: I won't really knife you, it's just fun to say)
But these guys poke fun at everyone for everything, even if it isn't true at all. Shits just fun to say. So I won't be all freaked out and weird when they say something that is blatently obvious its false and a joke just because I vomit nonsense on occasion. But sometimes I honestly don't know how to react back, and laughter is always worked for me, so it shall continue.
Say what you want, you won't make me cry.
(oh man, I think I just issued a challenge...0.o;; )
....continuing on....
I've been trying to find any sort of motivation still to do anything Marine Corps related. I think slowly my will to learn and work is coming back. But not very much. I've managed to see the bright side to my boyfriend getting put in CT and I don't think I have to worry about going to Japan again. So that's that.
But I would like to discuss other de-motivators that exist out there. I feel like I can't really hate them, because I'm not interested in anything USMC very much either anymore, never was actually, straight out of boot camp I had the "bleh" mindset. BUT-no matter how much I understand their feelings I still feel and intense dislike for a majority of them, because as much as I don't care I feel like I'm still considerate of my surroundings. I understand the Marine Corps, and my office especially now, stresses teamwork and the failure of one is the failure of all. So I put in the effort to at least keep life comfortable, mostly for me, but it helps everyone else too.
So when I see people who joined, who had some idea that the Corps was supposed to be hard and then they are the biggest dirtbags who have been fat since they joined and all they do is fuck up, and don't give a shit about the simplest rules to follow it irks me. It's not that hard to do your job properly. There is an order or and LOI for everything, so you don't really need to worry about knowing what you should or shouldn't do. Some rules are stupid, some we ALL ignore, but to blatently just fuck up and when told "hey don't do that" think you can rely on the fact people in the office like you and think you're a chill person is going to keep you from getting in trouble. Fuck that asshole. You shouldn't be getting paid the same as me, reaping the same benefits if you're not going to try at all. Just because you signed a contract and you can't be fired doesn't mean you don't have your share of shit coming. Someone will be fed up with you one day. And you'll go down. And when you're out of the Corps and you realize the rest of the world won't put up with your shit as much because they don't have to you'll realize your mistake. And it'll be too late. So have a nice shitty life, because that's were you are going. No where.
Whew~ Done with that.
Moving on...next topic....
I said I wanted to cover trust, but I almost don't feel like it. We all know how trust works and how it doesn't work. You learn it as a child and grow up using it and abusing it. My problem is I have a bad habit of slipping into the habit of being too trusting. Even when I know better, it's nicer, easier, makes me feel good inside. But it is almost always a mistake when it comes to Marines. But apparently I live with one of the biggest two-facers I've every known. I hate to say it, I like to try and forget it, almost forgive it. But then she opens her mouth, and vomits out her lies and deceit. THEN I remember. What is sad is I've confronted her about lies before, she'll keep lying. And when she admits her lie, she'll just tell more after.
BUT
she would prefer if I have a problem with her I tell her about it....last time I did that I "ruined her day" she "ended up breaking down at work" she is sorry that "she isn't the most perfect roomate in the world, but for me...she'll try harder"
Fuck that.
As much as I have to remind you like a child to clean up after yourself, to turn off lights you don't use. Apparently you don't care what I think, so why would I continue to repeat myself. If letting it slip to you through a grapevine makes it sink in, then that's what will happen.
Don't let it sound like she is the only example I have though, the list is endless. Pretty much covers almost everyone I know at the moment, excluding aquaintences and friends from Missouri. But in the Marine Corps I think secretly they brainwash integrity out of you, but let you and the rest of the world think that the Corps has the highest integity. That is shit that just looks good on paper.
I know another person who can't even admit the truth to themselves. People like this do exist around me, it's almost pathetic. Like the stupid shit people do and say and then try to cover up. They're so desperate for awkward sorts of attention is really all I can imagine it is. But I've definitely asked before, because I hear the rumors and I would rather ask the source than speculate and gossip on. But apparently the gossip is way WAY more accurate than the source itself.
Lesson learned, pretend to trust and believe and care, but always keep in mine, they're a liar, any credibility they have is gone. So it's like a very loooonnngg fictional story you're partly living out.
But I feel bad for them, and I'm nice to them, and I'll be there for them, because if I ever end up that miserable hopefully karma helps and someone will try, multiple times, to tell me I'm being a moron and I need to grow up and stop lying. >.<
However, if I had the opprotunity I wouldn't associate with people who lie to me 24/7. But since that mostly who is around here I'll deal.
If you can't be with the people you love, love the people you're with? Or some shit like that.
I just pretend my life is some weird anime, full of interesting characters, some with deep backstories and other who exist just to linger in the background and make me look good. :)
yea~~
